2003-02-23 - 12:42 a.m. - stop breaking down.
its snowing insanely outside. insanely. it took me 40 minutes to take you home from the coffee shop then get to my apartment.and by the way do you know that my blood would melt this snow if it were spilled right now? as you were speaking to me i swear that my heart broke at least fifty times, in fifty different ways. not at you. never at you. i could never ever ever be mad at you. not for this anyway. it kills me that charges aren't being pressed but i told you how i felt about that and the decision is yours. and i am not a violent man, but if names were named i would not just beat him, i would break him.
you were just sitting there telling me about how all you can do anymore is drink and try not to think about anything at all and i hate myself for not being able to be there for you more. i see you falling apart and knowing you are fallin apart and not being able to stop it and that fucking kills me.
you are so beatiful and full of life and better than anything or anyone. don't let this ruin it for you, please please please.
you don't even read this but when i dropped you off and all i could do was take your hand and kiss it, this is what i would have said if i didn't know that the next time i opened my mouth i was going to start crying.
maybe you do read this. i wouldn't be posting it up here if i didn't think you maybe read this sometimes.
i hope you read it tonight.
xoxo
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