2003-02-19 - 9:23 p.m. - -
and so here i am. again outside is that coldness that i can never seem to stop complaining about and all of the glass so frosted over. but today it was so incredibly bright out. and really, this all has an enormous effect on me. in a way i am frustrated and annoyed by the effect that the weather has on me. i am very much embroiled in the romantic movement of hundreds of years ago, just updated for here and now.on my way to class all i could think about was how this past summer we stayed up all night for a week weaving our ways in and out of all of the streets and alleyways, intertwining our personal histories with the history of the city, winding them so tight that eventually they split open spilling all of our secrets -- yours, mine, the city's -- all over the asphalt, summer hot even in the evening, the drying mud, the train tracks. and i walked past that spot where we layed down, on to of those nights, and looked up at the sky, guessing which lights were stars and which were something else. 'maybe that on is moving.' we would guess. 'maybe that one was made by the hands of a man or woman.'
and every night for that week i wanted nothing more than to kiss you but every night i knew it would be foolish because this wasn't a summer romance, not even a summer fling, just a summer sharing of hopes and dreams and ideas and restlessnes.
when i am gone, i know this, and only this. there are things i will miss about bowling green. i will miss my friends here. i will miss the coffee shop and the record store and the possibilities and hope that each one offers in atmosphere and clientele. and i will miss being so close to ann arbor and all of the shows and records and a creative mind who i sometimes think of as a mentor. i will miss detroit for the shows and records. and i will miss being a part of this out of place, but beautiful underground thanks to taking on explosives, and more so, and also more meaningful to me, allied media projects. but more than any of these things that i will miss when i am gone, i will miss the summers.
this town is paradise in the summer. i will miss waking up early to play frisbee gold. working the meaningless jobs in this atmosphere. sitting all day at ground's writing and reading and talking and sitting outside until it closed, and dancing in the store while my friends sweep and stack the chairs. i will miss walking everywhere i go. i will miss sneaking into motel swimming pools and tagging everything in sight with sharpie markers. i will miss so much about these summers.
when i think about summer i believe i was meant to be young forever. at least. i don't want to ever grow up.
as much as i loathe about this town, i can never deny it the peaceful beauty of summer.
folded paper boats floating towards sewers in thudner storms. iced tea everyday and the feeling that i am learning for myself.
xoxo
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