2001-12-16 - 5:16 a.m. - big day.
this morning awoke to matt and rachel making breakfast. i sat there dumbfounded staring at walls and trying to form sentences. a night of sleep on an uncomfortable futon with cats vomiting in the kitchen will do that to you. after breakfast matt and I got back to work on our first demo song, i belive it is called "Don't Talk" I might be wrong though, and i am too lazy to go find the case where he wrote it down. After a few more takes I finally hit the sax part fairly solidly. and it occured to me. this is happening. i am making music with people i respect and care about. this is the beginning of something small, but important. something that many people won't even know exists, but something that will ultimately be very beautiful and the people who do know about it will view it as such. and i wonder if this is how so many of the people i respect felt when they started.after nailing down the sax part and matthew adding a second guitar track and over dubs we went out to the thirft store and found some cheap sleigh bells and, of all things, a wahboard. the obscurity of finding an antique washboard for a dollar sixty in a thrift store didn't strike me at the moment. i carried it through the store as we perused records and winter coats. and it didn't occur to me until much later to think "what the fuck was this old washboard doing in this fucking thrift store, let alone the single Keith Jarett LP that Matt found???" It's like this washboard just sat in someoens attic for decades until somebody else died and possesions were rapidly sorted through and thrown away for other people to buy and, apparently, use as musical instruments in bedroom studio indie rock chamber music bands.
in the evening ed came over and we played video games while matt made indian food. finally at about ten thirty rachel added her cello while matt ed and i sat in the living room discussing books and richard linklater films, drinking coffee and going outside ofr cigarettes. by saying this i mean not to offend anyone, because i love all of my friends, and i love being with them and how they make me feel, but it was a nice change of pace to feel almost adult like. to be outside the realm of college and in this place, not unlike when my parents have friends over and they talk and laugh. odd this sensation is. it counfounds me every time. finally the song was done and a rough mix was mixed and i have it on a cassette tape i cannot wait to play it for people to get some reactions and feedback. and i look forward to the near future when we get to record more.
when i got back into town i called emily and picked her up between campus and my apartment, we exchanged stories about the insantiy that was her weekend and the calm beauty that was mine. then she stole me a christmas ornament from the pizza place and she slept while i watched a movie.
and thinking, how is it that the only times i don't feel alone is when i am in groups of five or less. anything bigger stops making sense and fades into the obscurity that is blankness.
and recallig that afternoon last month, i heard every word you said pretending to read a book, or a magazine about rock music, listening to records and smoking cigarettes. you were talking in your sleep and i was listening through words i had never heard before.
and it occurs to me. everything is happening. everything is good.
you are good.
sometimes i want to do everything i possibly can to try to convince you to stay another year, just one more year. but i suppose thats somewhat selfish since i might only be here another semester after this year depending on where i student teach. so do what is best for you. and whenever i talk about how you should stay here next year, fucking ignore me, and tell me to fuck off.
just promise you'll visit. we can go to detroit and you can beat 70's boys to make out with.
xoxo
listen to: the drowned museum.
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