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2003-03-30 - 4:59 p.m. - -

im down to what, a month? 23 days of teaching (maybe less once fieldtrips and job fairs are sorted out), 41 days until graduation, and then a few days of hanging around, floating between Bowling Green and Dayton like the ghost that I truly am.

I think that i might have let myself become to accustomed to this ghost like status i have been enjoying for the past five years. something about floating between towns not really having to be too accountable for or to any one person or set of persons in either place. something about jumping in my car at a moment's notice to drive to ann arbor or detroit for one of many oh so wonderful, wonderful shows that have meant so much to me since i first started going to them a few years back (and which i will miss dearly once i am back in dayton full time, but will still try to journey to on occasion when i can). I'm really at the point now where i just keep asking myself "why fucking bother?" It seems like personal relationships in bowling green are almost at a loss. There are a few I will hold on to, but why bother forging new ones at this point? Or trying to save the ones that are falling apart all over the new spring sidewalk? It's always so hard, so close to leaving, because I get in this mindset where I know i am leaving, and that really does change everything. and so here are some lists:

top 5 things i wish i could stop thinking about:

1. the war.

2. the future.

3. the past.

4. going away.

5. sticking around.

top 5 shows i have seen in michigan:

1. Lovesick, Soophie Nunsquad and others... at the pirate house.

2. Saturday looks Good to Me, Pas/Ca, Nomo..at the beer place last week.

3. Fred Thomas, Kelly Caldwell, at some tiny dark bar, right before thanksgiving.

4. Flashapr, and some other band...the firefly club.

5. Lovesick, The Devil is Electrit, Saturday Looks Good to Me...SLGTM's first show, a few years ago...at the pirate house.

what else do i have? i have a heart full of restless hope and a pocket full of quarters, i am going to go to the coffee shop and drink some hot chocolate and wait out this little cold front that has interrupted our beautiful, perfect spring.

xoxo

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