2003-02-26 - 10:28 p.m. - -
you can only last so long. this is what is written on my walls, on the inside of my door, on my mirror, and all the while there are stars falling out from beneath my tongue where they have laid dormant for years, unused and waiting -- now they are shed like so much skin and hair.i am closer to broke then i have ever been before. the radio is nothing but static and i left all my music in the car. won't you please come hang out with me? i'm forgetting what it's like to have friends. i keep writing names in the frost on the windows and hoping that someday soon you'll come around.
and i know i've been out of it at school this week, staring down at my untied shoe and not being able to answer questions that i know the answer to. i wonder where my voice has gone and i know it is trapped beneath all of that totally bad shit going on for people i care about. and it seems so hard to not be able to be there for anyone but a few classrooms full of students, who are all totally wonderful, and totally deserving of my attention, but after everything some of my friends have done for me, given me, i know i should be giving some of myself to them.
i want to apologize for not being there enough.
i'll be there when i graduate.
xoxo
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