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2003-02-25 - 10:09 p.m. - thaw.

thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw thaw

you heard me. come down here and thaw this shit out. bring back the greens and browns the sun the sun the sun. take away all of these tragedies, and almost tragedies--the runner ups, they've still got their breath but somethings missing.

so come back here and wipe this shit away. please. you don't know what it would mean to me for you to walk right through this town and make it new again. make it the way it was meant to be. bring back the black asphalt that scorches our feet. bring it the fuck back.

maybe it sounds like im breaking down. and maybe i am in small ways. i just need a break is all and banging my head against windows, slamming my hand in the car door, falling down in parking lots, cutting my knuckles all up on my walls, leaving tiny red smears like morse code--none of it is working.

and now i think, and by now, i mean starting soon, but not this moment, i am going to write a cycle of sonnets. i have been reading Rilke's "Sonnets to Orpheus" tonight while watching The Cosby Show and I think it is time i get back to structure and rhyme for a bit. when was the last time i did that. like, 9th grade? maybe a new perspective and so much practice on the free verse and fiction will make the structure more of a tool and less of a law.

i think the cycle will be about trying to find beauty in the ugliness of this post-modern world. it will be sweet. i need to start working on that.

xoxo

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