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2002-11-23 - 12:47 p.m. - back

im back motherfuckers. im not sure why i have decided to come back, what i feel i can possibly gain from returning to this place but i still have so many words inside of me that are fucking clawing their way out. i have been writing probably about30 to 40 paes of stuff a day between homework, writing a novel, writing poems, writing on livejournal, sending emails, writing in my paper journal and i need more of an outlet. im not sure what it is. my heart is filled to bursting with almost everything lately and the only way i can keep it from actually exploding is by writing it down and even sharing some of it. i wrote a three page letter to santa earlier in the week asking for strength so that i could be something wonderful to a girl. it was a letter so full of uncertainties and bold statements and had i proofread it more closely, one of the best things i have ever written. its so hard for me to be just totally honest in my writing. i am a fiction writer and a poetry writer. we are allowed to be hoenst in our work, but ultimately we need also to be liars. and that fucking letter. that mother fucking letter was one of the most honest, pure things i can remember writing.

fucking hell.

i need to go take an important test now.

i need to stop shaking when i speak.

i need to breathe. to talk. to speak. to sing.

i am back. and you all shouldn't really care. but im excited because diaryland is so good.

xoxo

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