2001-11-12 - 12:51 a.m. - why thanksgiving hates me.
i am beginning to dread thanksgiving. almost my entire extended family lives in the dayton area, so every year the entire morbid entourage gathers together to celebrate...(celebrate what? nobody really remembers...). every year there are new babies to gush over and old babies turned toddlers being gawked at for their cuteness. have you ever seen a room full of adults forget who they are? these family gatherings have become less about family and getting together than they have become parenting discussion sessions. the last two years i was treated to extended discussions on the merits of diseny films, toy story inparticular. "But disney is a racist and manipulative company that is domineering over our nation and controlling our lives much more than it appears on the surface," i say, and maybe for a breif moment one of these parents or grandparents will look at me in disgust, then choose to ignore me, and then leap back into their passionate conversation over which character they like better, woody the cowboy or buzz lightyear. and oh, its so cute, says everyone, when another nameless two year old cant find their doll and runs into the room saying, "I lost my woody"...or one of the other kids breaks the doll and...well, you get the picture. if i am ever parent like this, shoot me in the head. put me out of my fucking misery. if i can't balance my own interests with my children's i don't deserve to live. i guess this is a nice segues into the true horror of thanksgiving. first, some background. I am the oldest member of of my extended family, on my moms side, to not a) be married and/or b) have kid. come to thinkg of it, i am the only family member over the age of 15 who doesnt have a significant other, and hasnt for sometime. every year all my family members and their significant others gather around the thanksgiving table and ask me: "so where's yr girlfriend?"..i used to answer them with "well, ya know, im just looking for that special someone and thats hard to find, as soon as i find her you'll be the first to know..." that soon became: "actually, i don't have a girlfriend...not enough time"...that became "ya know, there just aren't any girls worth my time in bowling green..." which became: "you know, im not all that concerned about having a girlfriend, theres more important things to worry about..." which will this year become: "ya know, the only times i am ever made to feel insecure are the days when i see you fuckers, the next person who asks me why i don't have a girlfriend is cutting the turkey baster through their eyeball..." or maybe ill just start telling everyone I'm gay, then they'd leave me the fuck alone. or maybe ill hire an escort for the afternoon.thanksgiving is horrific. honestly. its me sitting around not being talked to because i can't talk shop on toddlers and new borns, untill somebody wants to question something about my life (ie, why i dont have a girlfrined...news flash, if i knew why i didn't have a girlfriend then i'd probably fucking have one...) or my selection of clothing (..."does that shirt say "lovestick?'"..."no it says 'Lovesick,' they were an amazing punk band from michigan..."..."oh, for a second there when you told me it said lovesick i thought maybe a girl gave it to you..." "ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" (insert me reaching for turkey baster and shoving through somebody's eye...).
so why do i get so stressed out about this? honestly it is stupid for me to be stressed out. thanksgiving is more than a week away, but already two months have flown by so a week and a half will be here by the time im done typing this sentence. okay, so maybe not. but its nothing to worry about. because after all, my friends will be in dayton. so i can celebrate thanksgiving, subject myself to the a couple hours of misery and confidence crushing reality, and then i will walk out the door. i won't say goodbye to anyone except for my parents. i will thank my aunt and uncle for the amazing dinner, give them a hug. and then i will walk out the door. i will get into my car and light up a cigarette and listen to "lovestick"(sic) loudly, or maybe palace, and i will drive away over the slippery wet leaves and slowly begin to heal, licking my fresh wounds with tongues of nicotine. and slowly i will remember, its not who your playing the game with, if anyone at all...its how you play that fucking game.
xoxo
listen to: anything Fred Thomas (its great driving music...) and Stevie Wonder.
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