2001-11-05 - 11:23 p.m. - knots and goals
remembering a time when you shifted your body so your back touched the window, smoke slowly rolling out of your mouth. you were always tying cherry stems in knots and unwrapping starbursts with your tongue. I was always tying straw wrappers in to square knots and pulling softly on both ends hoping that the knot would untie itself and maybe she loved me. your modes of seduction and sexuality juxtaposed against my innocent superstition and longing.for some reason that thought has lingered with me today as i walked across campus beneath a cieling of trees, their leaves on fire, their dreams betraying themselves far too soon. i need release.
this apartment is driving me crazy. where there once was carpeting there is now only paper. piles of paper. piles of dishes in the sink. piles of records. piles of cds. piles of bills. empty cigarette boxes hiding in the darkest corners we can't even see into.
and finally i realize. finally. none of us are who we really are. we are all overshadowed by our own intentions and goals. when was the last time you told the truth when the truth could change your life for the worst?
me too.
im so lost in my goals, my objectives, my intentions, that i have lost track of everything that i swore i would never forget. i have lost count of the cracks in the sidewalk i managed to avoid stepping on. i lost of sight of sunrises. its been too long since i stayed up all night. i need to do that again sometime. i really do.
xoxo
listen to: elizabeth mitchell/fred thomas split 7" (im telling you, it is the most beautiful thing i have heard, EVER), flashpapr, girls with rock, guided by voices, palace, secret stars, ted leo.
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