2001-10-27 - 2:42 a.m. - a matthew sweet song and yr so sweet.
tonight was palmegranite(sp?) sweet all seeds and juice dripping down chins and stars falling from october skies.and before that, in the morning, i woke up at 8 am and went to see a guy about having my baritone saxophone fixed. hes an old man with weathered skin who i used to see often when i was in high school. i always used to be afraid of him but today i was more impressed. i told him what was wrong with the instrument and right away he told me i was a dumb ass. i laughed. he was right. he fixed and it plays now. he had to make a screw with a piece of metal and a saw. amazing. his weatherd hands, worn like leather reshaping the existence of metal. maybe how people were supposed to be? shapping their lives, their futures, out of pasts and presents.
and tonight we watched and are still watching scary movies. and goddam you were a sight for sore eyes. i didn't know how seeing you again after so long would go. but as usual your sincerity blinded me and turned me into a pile of ash to be swept under a rug in the corner of some grandiose ballroom. all the honesty and warmth in yr smile. goddam. i missed you so much and now it will probably be a long time until i see you again. and im sure i will miss you until then. and i have yet to mention how much healthier you looked now than i have ever seen you before. before you always looked so pale and tonight was more flesh. and walking with more assurance. less a girl more a woman. am i imagining this? or are you happier and healthier than before.
heres to october slowly fading into november. and heres to the idea of growing old without a lover but loved by friends. i wonder if ill be back here in a year. i wonder if ill stay here forever. i wonder who, of all these people will be here in a year. this is where thigns start to get wierd i suppose, where everything begins changing more than it already has in ways none of us can even begin to comprehend. all the roads shift and form new new theses, new paradgims that we hold hands with and shout our names off of rooftops reached from ladders. hang on to your teeth baby. hang the fuck on to your teeth. they're all you really need in this life. your goddam teeth. so hang on to them.
goodnight.
i love you, all.
xoxo
listen to: his name is alive.
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