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2001-10-04 - 12:07 a.m. - note to self: do not update diary or talk on AIM while on nyquil

outside the wind is rushing agaisnt my window in the way that only a bowling green autumn wind can do. kissing the screen calmly and gentley punctuating every thought with exclamation points where exclamation points don't belong.

i guess nothing is sacred in this world anymore. the sanctity of touch and honest communication is all dried up. i remember when i was a child and i'd hold my mothers hand, or hold a neighborhood kid's hand not because they made me out of safety's sake, but because it made me feel secure. like when we'd cross the street, or go to the mall. someone was always there making sure i was okay. and that was expressed nonverbally through a simple holding of hands.

and now that's all gone. everywhere. i give up.

all i ever wanted was to express myself, and how i felt about all the people i care about honestly and somehow that has been perverted into something ugly and horrifying. i just want to...i dont know...i just want be happy. and i want everyone else to be happy. that's all really.

i swear.

and i want people to care for each other and act like they care about each other.

don't look back. just don't.

xoxo

listen to: bob dylan, bruce springsteen, flashpapr, lovesick, aloha, rainer maria.

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