2001-09-18 - 11:31 p.m. - -damn im getting soft with old age.-
i cant remember the last time i have had such an equal and honest exchange with anyone. i've had amazing conversations before but no one has given of themselves so much in terms of history and winding backstories as to really make me want to listen. you know? like when im talking with my dayton friends sometimes its beautiful and others its just male posturing without sense or purpose. or when i talk others sometimes it really seems as if they aren't listening, only waiting (that old time worn and tested cliche) to speak(which i have been accused of on many occassions due to the distance that always manifests itself in my eyes). and then when they talk nothing real comes out, only fragments and sentences with missing points, borrowed and never returned (to borrow a line from sonic youth). we read poetry, our own and others and talked about within the context of a social setting and it was good. like you were at least trying to listen to my mumbled speech as it connected meticulously chosen, but often times sloppy, words and phrases togehter and back into my veins. there are only about 6 people i know in the world i can communicate with at this level. maybe i sound concieted. and maybe some of my friends reading this are saying, "am i one of the six?" six is just an arbitrary number. i made it up. its a guesstimate. im not going to take inventory on my friends. but there are few of them who i can openly and honestly communicate with and they know who they are.anyway, i really don't like that last paragraph anymore. it seems kind of conieted but it isn't meant to harm anyone or make anyone feel inadequate. all of my friends are amazing. i love you all. its just some of my friends aren't as geared at communication as i am, and thats fine, ilove them anyway. its not a bad thing. it just blows my mind everytime i meet someone new who i can completely communicate with. like the first time i really hung out with andrew, so long ago, i had no idea how amazing he was and he is honestly a gift from god, one of the best friends anyone can have, ever. or like laura, who even though we've lost touch a little (or alot) from how much we used to talk when i do get to talk to her its wonderful. all of you, my friends, are amazing like gifts and as beautiful as screendoors and sparklers in july.
and there i go getting all mushy again. ive had old stories from my past which totally relate to my life right now in strange and obscure ways. i want to share them. but i have rambled on way too long and im sure if i typed another page about how i accidently gae dave brannon a black eye when we were in the first grade while trying to remove his hat nobody would read it. so until later.
you are all beautiful.
xoxo
listen to: saturday looks good to me. my bloody valentine. sea and cake. elvis costello. bruce springsteen.
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