2001-09-15 - 2:54 a.m. - more truth. detroit. and to someone i respect.
so, ive still been holding back some truth. like, there still things that i want to say in here that i havent been able to bring myself to say. but toinght i think gave me the desire to say them. they are this: i dont know fucking anything. none of us do really, do we? like i talk like i know exactly whats in my head but really all i know is that i have a goal and im trying to achieve it. what's that goal? to make people think about the world that they live in. and more specifically, to do everything within my power to save the lives of the living. there isn't much within my power. words are just about all i have. i could drop out of school and travel around and trying to teach love and respect. but can your eally teach love and respect? jesus did, some of my favorite bands do (did)...but i suppose its not so much teaching as sharing and learning. but anyway, im not nearly bold or brave enough to change my life so much. so all i have are words. of course, maybe by not dropping out of school ill have the opportunity to touch thousands of lives as a teacher. so maybe i dont need to be any bolder than i am. and maybe the bravery is already in place.so there was really the last dark secret from my closet in regards to this mess that is happening aruond us now.
thank you so much for everything. you have no idea how much your music has touched me over the past few years and really made a difference in my life. but its more than the music really, like you said tonight, 'its when all of your favorite bands live right down the street from you (or right up in the interstate in my case) and you know they are real" and they actually care about you like people care about other people. and that is so beautiful. and these are just a few of the things i wanted to say tonight but can never find the words when your around. so thank you.
but anyway. for a little narrative. tonight me and matt went to detroit. we got there way too early and walked around through the heart of the city. all the skyscrapers looked like ghosts, glowing with a sort of darkness that only skyscrapers can glow with. and then this crazy guy followed us for a couple of blocks. and thats all.
im exhausted.
listen to: marvin gaye: "Whats goin on" the whole fuckin album, soulful prayers for peace, Blur "tender," lovesick, lovesick, lovesick, lovesick.
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