2001-09-13 - 11:40 a.m. - an apology
it has come to my attention that alot of people are angry about what they've read in my diary. so allow me to address a formal apology to all the angry emails ive gotten:i'm sorry that im trying to understand truth.
i'm sorry that, instead of dwelling on swarrow, i am trying to question the heavily biased media, and manipulative government so that we aren't taken advantage of.
i'm sorry that i am doing all i can to tell the truth and challenge people.
i'm sorry if i seem like an emotinally detached person, it is my believe that there are more productive ways to view this situation than with constant sorrow.
i'm sorry that i am being critical of this country and the people in this country at an hour when it is most relevant and important to be so. change never took place by people not thinking.
i'm sorry if i think too much, if there is such a thing.
i'm sorry i don't see eye to eye with everyone about what hapened and why it happened, i have been following the actions of our country for the last four years and i find these events less shocking in the light of having a better understanding of our countries own actions than mainstream news media, or government will tell us.
i'm sorry i'm not as patriotic as you. once again, an apology for thinking too much.
so there is my formal apology to the several angry emails i recieved over the last few days. (not you, the people im responding to actually emailed me and i didnt really know who any of them were), and to those of you who felt it neccessary to drop me a line of hate, your messages were promptly delted, and with the posting of this apology, forgotten. and you are perpetuating everything i've been talking about the last two days.
i wish there was something left in my veins that felt like life is supposed to feel. its all gone for now though. i slept through my alarm and missed my first two classes after a night of very little and very restless sleep. i dont know how anyone can really sleep right now. too many questions to be answered. i shoudl probably eat but can't choke food down this morning. and my garbage disposal is still clogged after another bottle of drano. and ive got to pay my bills. and ive got to be more hoenst all the time.
like how i am wearing my black hooded sweatshirt with my old food not bombs patch on it that reads: "No war, no sanctions" a fairly important message i think. and maybe ill wear this until the nightmare is over or until i prick myself to death with safety pins.
remember love.
remember peace.
don't let our government perpetuate the cycle of violence and counter-violence, the ball is in our court, we can end it if we are fair and judicial in this matter.
xoxo
listen to: john coltrane's "A Love Supreme" (somebody once told me to listen tot his every day before starting my day...it really is a beautiful and inspirational record)
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