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2001-08-31 - 12:38 a.m. - im an angry motherfucker. get out of my way.

today i watched people turn into machines and then choke on the hiss of traffic and all the other white noise that makes the world around us so goddam special. but wait, the world around us isn't special? the people around us aren't special? what he have to say isn't important as long as it is structred correctly and looks professional? are these the things you want your children's teachers learning? yeah fuck you Bowling Green State University. If i had any balls id have broken yr heart like the bitch you are and left you to die a slow and painful death. computers are worthless and will remain being worthless. i learned this when i got a terrible computer virus tonight and had to spend two hours cleaning it up. this one was bad. im sure it won't be long before some geek somewhere finally programs the bug that'll wipe the fucking slate clean. then where will you be with yr unnecessary web based classes. huh? BGSU? I can't hear you? remeember when learnign and teaching was about people and ideas? me too. ten years from now its yr fucking fault that its not anymore. man you used to be cool, fucking sellout.

get me as far away from this place

as you can, i wish that i could do it

by myself but im afraid

of broken plans.

i need somethingsomeoneanythinganyone who can just listen right now. i already scared off kristin. i dont think shes ever seen me this angry. and of course, because anger is an emotion, most people are afraid of it. but then again, maybe she did just need to go to sleep.

i would really like to curl up in a ball and not move for the next 4 months. im not sure i can hack this. i don't want to learn how to follow rules. rules are what ruin us. i want to learn how to bend the rules until they want to break but not quite enough to break them. why don't you help me.

think about this, honestly for real: imagine you have kids (maybe some of you reading this do) would you rather your kdis were taught largely on computers and taught only exactly what the government dictates they are to be taught (and none of this government knows best bullshit, we all know thats a goddam lie) in a sterile and empty environment that stimulates nothing more than mediocrity and lack of growth? or would you prefer your children were taught as people, by people in creative and challenging ways that recognize the differences in learning abilities and can adapt to help each student. people have heart. machines and my professor for Education in a Pluralistic society do not.

i've got to get the fuck out of this program. i realize now that no matter what i do, unless i totally buy into the rules that even if i get a job ill be fired within five years. nobody wants passion. passion is the scariest motherfucking thing that anybody has ever seen.

scare the piss out of them. shake yr pasison in their face like a spider on a stick and make them all think you are fucking insane (uh oh thats plagiarism because its similar to something said in "pump up the volume" and i didnt site it, oh wait, there is no such thing as an original idea anymore so technically every goddam thing that anyone writes is in some way shape or form plagiarsim by the standards at this university) im sick of being afraid. this is my fucking life and this is our fucking world. why are we letting it become such an ugly place so devoid of that which sets us apart from other animals; compassion.

there i go off on another bleeding heart humanistic rant. im sure i scared half of you all off. yr probably sayingto yrself "that speed-light, hes a dangerous one, to let him near any sharp objects" and im sure that somebody, at some point in time will read this and think that. and thats fine. because the more people i freak out the better i feel. im not going to rest until im up in everybodys face scaring the piss out of them with my blatant humanity.

fuck you BGSU.

fuck you world.

im going home.

xoxo

listen to: phil spector, the locust, his name is alive (the new CD is fucking amazing...one of the best things ive heard all year), rancid, cornershop, chalkboard fingernails, powerpoint presentations crashing.

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