2001-08-10 - 3:33 a.m. - three snapshots
my lie has felt like a dream the last few days. like nothing really makes sense like the summer is over before it even started and in a week ill be on a plane and a week after that ill be on my way back. and here are three snapshots from today. not really related to anything or each other in anyway.--i love driving down mainstreet and wooster at 2 am just as the bars are closing and listening to fugazi really fucking loud. 'bed for the scrapin' ya know..."I don't want to be defeated...' and then it starts to sprinkle a little bit and it reminds me how i woke up this morning to the loudest thunder storm in recent memory and there was the thunder screaming a monstrous voice out over everybody talking to a million ears all at the same time and then there is me, afraid to talk to almost everyone. why am i so afraid?
--at the hotel that my friend jon works at (why is it that all my friends work or have worked third shift at a hotel at some point in their lives so i always end up in a hotel lobby watching tv or gluing 'zine pages together into the wee hours of the morning) and i was standing at the desk looking at a dollar bill that someone had stamped "fry abu jamal" onto. this made me incredibly sad and so i took a pen and wrote and 'E' over the "y" in fry then another 'e' after it and suddenly we went from a message of hatred and violence to one of hope and beauty. and as i was standing there the door behind me opened and i turned aorund to go sit down and get out of the way so jon could deal with the customer and a beautiful girl wearing chuck taylor's and cut off pants and a tank top walked in. and i thought of how wonderful it would be if i could strike up a conversation with her. just ask her how she is and tell her that seeing her made me so happy and the presence of her and her friend was doubling the 'punk' population of bowling green if just for one night. and i dont even know what punk means anymore but it hink it can still be a beautiful thing.
--and i was outside of my apartment just enjoying the humidity when the light across the street went outand everything got real dark. not like, pitchblack because the light on my side was still on but things got noticeably darker, like when you start to fall asleep and your eyes sort of half close but are still sort of opened, and i realized how maybe i shouldn't rely so much on the light across the street for added light and comfort because when it burns out everything is pretty dark and i should just get used to the light above me.
and seperately, tonight lovesick made beautiful music and mistakes and everyone had a wonderful time at the show. i don't think i have ever seen all the members of that band smile so much and at the same time. beautiful, beautiful moments.
go to sleep.
xoxo
listen to: lovesick, the americans, velvet underground, pavement, bob dylan, bunkbed nights, fugazi(fuckin bed for the scraping...goddam that song is amazing), sonic youth ("sister", the whole record but especially the first song...perfection), saturday looks good to me, aloha, flashpapr, the white stripes, the beach boys, nick drake, shellac and everything your heart tells you.
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