2001-08-04 - 3:22 a.m. - something different and somewhat abstract.

where hopes and dreams

collide like two

drunk drivers. and amongst

shards of broken glass and

love that never lasts

we hold hands

and dance.

********************************

have you ever been moving along in yer life, feeling succseful like everything is going well and you are moving forward when you suddenly realize that you aren't really moving forward at all and you're really stuck in some sort of in between period waiting and playing the games you have always been told to play? like when you go to see a long movie like when people went to see he godfather when it first opened and it was so long there was an intermission. or when joey oakley and me went to see gettysburg the day it came out when we were in eighth grade and it was four fucking hours long and there was an intermission and we were such fucking nerds back then when everyone else was seeing The Nightmare before christmas and there we were drooling over afour hour civil war movie. back then i thought that historical films were the greatest thing ya know? like they were all so powerful and full of strong people like in Glory and Last of the Mohicans. I always thought the past was so much more beautiful than now and maybe thats something i still think but in a different way. like tonight we drove through all sorts of broken streets trying to find that burning building we could see from the interstate. probably for no other reason than just to watch something breaking beneath the weight of time and human incompetency. and while we were searching for this mysteirous fire you put in the cap'n jazz cd and we turned it up real fucking loud and just screamed everyword at the top of our lungs. and this was strange for me because that is what i did with friends when i was in high school. not that many of my marching band buddies were into the cap'n jazz but a few friends were and we'd drive and scream. so tonight was like my past. and my past seems so much more beautiful than now just like in those movies there is so much beauty and strength in all those characters as portrayed by Denzel Washington and Daniel Day Lewis. But really now that i think about it i just watched them because people died in such interesting ways; getting heads blown off by cannons and getting their hearts cut out and eatend by the indians witht he black paint on their faces and shoulders. now if you will lets go back to that idea about being stuck between things. like right now i am stuck in college which is nothing but a space between my days as a young lad in dayton and my future days as a teacher or poet or both. and im nost sure this makes sense. like maybe it would make more sense if we went back to the idea of apprenticeship.

anyway. wow that was a mouthful.

i think i just burnt myself out.

im done for now.

xoxo.

listen to: EMO (phillips).

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