2001-07-05 - 1:41 a.m. - white flowers...the fourth of july...something more straightforward than usual.
right now i am wearing a flower behind my ear. some sort of symbol of the passing of youth and the transience of how things used to be. the fourth of july always trips me up the most. its always such a long day full of the past.this morning i woke up and drove brendan to the airport so he could go see his family. i started thinking about my car. i have put 30,000 miles in my car in one year, exactly. and where have i gone. i am in the same place or places that i wa sin a year ago. and i still feel every ray of sun as if it were a kiss and every drop of rain like it were a tear. and every whisper is a spike.
today was a day for telling stories about fish and fishing. a real man talking about alaska: "and the guy handed me a shot gun and said, you go first, yer point man. go on up ahead, keep this thing ready and sing...and you better sing fuckin loud the whole time..." there are bears in these woods. and there are babies on the patio precious new life from the womb a cousin that i loved like a sister. and me with my baby blue 'saturday looks good to me' t-shirt and rolled up cargo pants. and everyone else in red, white and blue and khakis and golf shirts. and my aunt: "you look.....nice....all cleaned up..."
and then old friends. and then fireworks.
and christy laid her head back on my stomach, a plutonic gesture of being friends for how many?...5 years?
.
and after the fireworks we were driving down a crowded neighborhood street with people walking away from the high school stadium, their post fourth of july lonliness already setting in and we had the windows down and were listening to "i would find it so beautiful" by Saturday Looks Good To Me and just as we turned a corner somebody shot a firework and it set the sky on fire for a brief moment and at the same moment still the organ in the song started and it was a perfect beautiful moment. and there aren't enough of those. there aren't enough moments where we just step back andrecognize the briliiance of life.
i could hold your hand a hundred times. and trace over the lines of poems written on folded up napkins to be dropped in rivers of blood. and drift down stream. in a dream you were drinking strawberry wine and burning flowers as incense.
and right now i have a flower behind my ear.
and tonight we sung christmas carols to old friends before they went to sleep.
and when i get home i will press this flower in a photo album so that someday i will find it and remember...
xoxo.
listen to: saturday looks good to me.
�
�
