2001-04-11 - 9:32 p.m. - sports and sleeplessness
you got to be a spirit...don't be no ghost...you got to be a spirit, and the spirit decends on music...don't be a ghost...*****************************************************
we are the sound of time collapsing and the alleyways we used to run down and garbage cans we used to hide behind are only echoes of what it means to be innocent. innocence what the fuck is it anyway. do we really change so much between days that the way we fit into our world shifts? is this natural or a construction. i remember when all i used to do was play video games. now it seems like a waste of time. then it seemed like a waste of time. i should have been outside, but hoenstly i think that time was good for me. good for a kid who was never good at anything outside, to be good at something inside is a gift given to us by atari and nintendo...and i was never good at anything outside. i was the fat mommas boy who all the other kids made fun of and used because he was a chump when it came to trading baseball cards...i broke the fucking mirror stage...i saw them reflecting myself reflecting them and i took it off the wall and fucking shattered it and everything they held dear to them in their ideologies...
you know what...no i dont either.
you know what i made a tape for you today but then i realized that it was songs that i shouldnt give a friend...then i thought about other tapes i have made for other friends and those were full of songs that shouldn't be given to friends...i either have a strange obsession with love songs or i really jus have a lot of love to give and need to find someone to give it to...
and today it rained so fucking hard i could feel the streams of water pouring over the edge of my roof and turning into a waterfall infront of my house. such dirty water carrying a way two seasons of dirt from a dirty roof. how beautiful weather is when we want it to be.
and now i see things i never saw before words, pictures, connections, wires behind walls, invisible bullets whizzing through the air and just missing yr skull, a new way of life slowly being born out of the digital nusiance that is our new cage...and maybe i just need to go to sleep...or maybe this is the only time i can see the way things really are...
and the boy in class today barely spoke a word and i had to walk him throuhg his assignment step by step...he knew how to do it he just didn't know what he was doing....and why was i the only one helping him...would the teacher have helped had i not been there? or would he have been left behind to get all his answers wrong...fuck school...
xoxo
listen to: richard and linda thompson, bob dylan, the rolling stones, the who, white octave, lovesick, guided by voice.
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