2001-03-07 - ... - battletech and magic: the gathering
last night i started thinking about movies. the movies where a parent or a friend or a lover spends more than they can afford, either economically or emotionally on a gift for a loved one. the movies where that perfect gift gets ruined, or isnt appreicated by the recipient after so much hard work. for some reason those movies always make me cry. or at least want to cry. boys aren't allowed to cry. neither are girls anymore for that matter. tears suck. but i was just thinking about that in a small sweaty bar waiting for a famous guy to come sing unfamous songs. i wanted to cry last night. just feeling old and strung out. unable to embrace all the anger i used to own.and spring, where are you. winter is slowly fading but somehow you remain hidden. i could slow dance myself around this wicked room you are leaving for us, blank and lonely, and when i am done i could lift up yer chin and pull the weather from your eyes. translate it from the tongues of all our favorite ghosts and photographs. spit what is left of my anger and emotion into your cold winds and grey clouds. but i don't want to scare away the sunshine.
i miss you and i hope yer smiling still. sometimes i hope you never stop. but between the otherness between smiles and frowns there needs to be both or one would lose meaning. to live life only with one emotion. a brave new world. fuck everything.
and now theres silver in the sky out my window. and i think its an airplane taking off.
and now im listening to They Might Be Giants for the first time in a long time and it brings back so many memories of crowded tables and lead figurines. map hexes. dice. partial cover. magic. you. when things were so much easier and we had time to not care what everyone else thought of us. when it was okay to be geeks all the time and be completely secure with that knowlededge. and hide and seek in the snow. and chuck busted his knee on my front porch. iguanas. mtv. accordions. john spauldings sweat pants.
im choking on sentiment.
explode your derelict dreams and break for home, making wishes for your friends, all turned to ghosts.
xoxo
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